In class I watched a film titled "trail of tears " I learned a lot of things about native Americans that I previously didn't know. I never knew native Americans emulated the old American lifestyle, they kept slaves, lived in houses and adopted their religion. Anglo-Americans also forced their lifestyle on them because they felt Native Americans were not civilized, making the gender roles change among them. For the most part they kept a peaceful relationship until anglo-american's greed tempted them to take over the land they were originally settled in first and force them to march on foot to lands far away. They were safeguarded by George Washington, who considered native Americans owners of their land and wanted peace between them because he believed it was a violation of the laws of nature if their land was taken from them. It was when Andrew Jackson took office the white man showed their true colors and asked the native Americans to move west she away from the white people. Motivated by greed they began to slaughter the native Americans and forced them out if their lands. This type of greed happened in the past before the American revolution and still continues today. I have heard stories of homes being purchased at the expense of tenants who rented and not owned homes/apartments in the area where the Barclay's center now stands forcing them out to bring in a lucrative business. This is also an issue at willets point where the new citi field is. Family owned business that have been there for years are at risk of being closed down because big corporations who fund events at flushing meadows / corona such as the US Open want to create hotels and other businesses. This may go on over seas after the wars have ended and will continue to go on in the future because mankind will always commit the 7 cardinal sins.
The starting sentence states what the project was on and that helped me understand which direction the rest of the writing would head into. On one hand I think most of it was well written and easily understandable if you pace yourself well when taking in the reading. On the other hand I believe that you could have defined a few terms and add some examples to the writing about those terms, for example “making the gender roles change among them.” and “This type of greed happened in the past before the American revolution and still continues today.”. The former quote I did not understand and I wish had some elaborating to help the readers understand. The lather quote I liked but I believe an example of human greed relating to your quote would make an excellent addition in my opinion. I believe that the first half of your blog was well written and it also grabbed my attention. Sadly, the ending half of your blog lost my interest due to lack of explanation on the topic and how the information was relevant in comparison. Starting from “I have heard stories of homes being purchased at the expense of tenants….” Towards the ending I was incredibly confused. Grammatically I believe that there is some things that can be fixed and key terms from the project that I’m sure you can add to perk interest in readers and possibly invoke emotion in readers. The sentence “This may go on over seas after the wars have ended and will continue to go on in the future because mankind will always commit the 7 cardinal sins.” Should be explained in a bit more detail also. How do the 7 cardinal sins relate? Is this a personal opinion or is this based on the project? Overall I think it was an okay blog and I would love to see what it would look like if more detail was added to the writing and the word usage was tweaked bit to draw in the readers.
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